It's in the Hat

Last week, my oldest son turned nine (nine!). To celebrate, he chose to take a few friends to Chuck E. Cheese. Mind you, a trip to Chuck E. Cheese meant a trip to Richmond (an hour away) in the car with six boys, seven if you include my husband, the biggest kid of all. Squeezed between my two youngest in the back row of the car, I heard every knock-knock joke and funny boy-sound known to man.

Will chose Chuck E. Cheese for his birthday because he wanted to play games, eat cardboard pizza, and earn prizes, but his primary goal was a chance at the Ticketblaster. The Ticketblaster, in case you don't already know, is an enclosed tube that blasts air (and tickets) for 30 seconds. Birthday kids get in the tube and, during the allotted time, grab as many tickets as they can. To up the ante, the birthday attendant adds several tickets to the tube, some worth 50 or 100 points and one ticket worth a whopping 1000 points.

On his birthday, as he geared up with goggles and an inflatable birthday crown, his birthday entourage gathered around him to talk strategy. All the kids agreed that he should tuck in his shirt and use one hand to stuff tickets inside. Will nervously stepped into the tube, eyed the 1000 point ticket, and braced for the blast of air.

It came on suddenly, sending a flurry of tickets swirling around him. Inside, he flailed his arms around, grabbing as many tickets as he could. Outside, one of the kids noticed with great excitement that the 1000 ticket card had wedged itself into the points of Will's birthday crown. At once, the entire group of us stuck our noses to the tube and screamed, "It's in your hat! It's in your hat!" at the top of our lungs. Enclosed in the booth with the blasting air, Will couldn't hear a thing. He continued grabbing at the air, sometimes bending over and threatening the balance of the 1000 point ticket stuck in his hat. Each time, we would point and scream, "It's in your hat! It's in your hat!" By this time, we were all hysterical with excitement for Will, that he had likely caught the elusive ticket and didn't even know it yet.

For some reason, that moment has really stuck with me. As a mom, having heard Will talk about the Ticketblaster for weeks leading up to his birthday, I was so happy for him. Even though it was a 30 second game at Chuck E. Cheese, it was truly a thrilling moment to watch three other little boys cheer for Will and agonize that the 1000 point ticket might suddenly fall out of his crown.

But even more so, the imagery stuck with me. I thought about how often I am the one in the Ticketblaster, hoping to catch the elusive ticket yet possessing it all along.

Take, for example, my inclination toward self-condemnation. Shouldn't I have life or being a pastor's wife or being a mom (or insert any number of things) more figured out by now? Surely, I think, God must grow impatient at how slow I learn and how far I still have to go. But He has clearly said that I am no longer under condemnation (Romans 8:1), and that He is continually completing the good work He began in me (Philippians 1:6).

Or another example: my sin. Why am I still worrying over the future or crushed when someone doesn't like me? Why do I whine and complain, turning blessings into burdens? Shouldn't I have matured past these things by now? But God says that as I confess my sin and abide in Him, He does the pruning and refining. He bears the burden for my growth (Galatians 5:22-23).

I'm still, in some ways, trying to spiff myself up for God. I'm flailing around, grasping for growth or reassurance that God loves me. Yet all along, it's already there, it's already happening. It's in the proverbial hat!

What I mean when I say this is that I'm a child of God and, as a child of God, covered by the grace of Jesus Christ, my position in Him never changes. When God looks at me (and you, if you are in Christ), He sees His beloved child, holy and righteous. He loves us, and there is absolutely nothing that can change that or remove us from His love. Do we sin? Yes. Is God grieved by our sin? Yes, but, by His infinite grace, He is transforming us by His Spirit, helping us realize our salvation. In that process, our position as a child of God never changes.

It's in the hat! It's in the hat! I keep telling myself this when I get frustrated with myself or when the enemy speaks subtle lies to me. Because of Jesus, it's in the hat. I can rest easy, leaning on His everlasting grace.

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Want to know more about your position in Christ? Be sure and read this post: Don't Believe Everything That You Think.

Books, Books, and More Books

I have many wonderful memories of warm summer days growing up in Texas, but the easiest memory to retrieve in sight, sound, smell, and touch is our weekly trip to the library. I recall the whoosh! of the doors sliding open, the feel of the air conditioning striking my skin and melting the hot sun right off, and the beautiful sight of the library's stacks stretched out in front of me. 

This picture has nothing to do with reading books, but everything to do with Texas, so I find it appropriate (and deliciously enticing).

Upon our first summer outing, my sister and I marched up to the desk, signed up for the summer reading club, and proceeded carefully through the children's area choosing our books. I couldn't wait to get home and devour them all: to follow Anne's journey into womanhood in Anne of Green Gables, to solve the mystery before Nancy Drew did, to discover what creative cure Mrs. Piggle Wiggle would think of next.

I still love to go to the library, now with my own children. I pull books from the shelves and, as only a mom can do, drone on and on to my boys about how wonderful this book is or how great that one is. They've found their own delights-- Ribsy and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Henry & Mudge and I Spy--which delights me to no end of course. 

Summer's coming, which means one thing: reading! Reading with my boys, reading the stack of books beside my bed, and reading the books that have been recommended to me. Reading, reading, reading! Books, books, books! 

I can't wait.

Are you looking for recommendations for your own summer reading? The following list is not comprehensive (it doesn't contain any fiction), but these are books that I recommend quite often:

My All-Time Favorite Books

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand

Peace Child by Don Richardson

The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom

Heaven by Randy Alcorn

The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer

Faithful Women & Their Extraordinary God by Noel Piper

Discipline: The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot

A Path Through Suffering by Elisabeth Elliot

Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas

My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers

Books That Have Been Helpful in Ministry

Transforming Discipleship by Greg Ogden

Brokenness, Surrender, & Holiness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Spiritual Warfare by Jerry Rankin

Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains

In the Name of Jesus by Henri Nouwen

Margin by Richard Swenson

A Praying Life by Paul Miller

Leading on Empty by Wayne Cordeiro

Books that Have Been Helpful in Marriage and Family

Treasuring God in Our Traditions by Noel Piper

Grace-Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel

The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace

Choosing to Cheat by Andy Stanley

The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller

What books are on your all-time favorite list?

An End to the Mommy Wars

Every other week this spring, I opened my home to a group of new moms to discuss biblical motherhood. Each of them arrived with their babies and baby gear in tow, as well a palpable fear that they were getting it all wrong.

There is an inherent danger in gathering moms in a room: we immediately compare notes regarding our children’s milestones, personalities, and sleep habits. Really, though, we are comparing ourselves, wondering if we are good moms and if our children reflect that.

With the new moms, I addressed this tendency toward comparison on the first day. Until we stop comparing ourselves or telling other moms they should mother our way, I said, we will leave our time together feeling isolated and condemned.The gospel of Christ, after all, holds no place for comparison. We are all equally in need of grace, and we all equally receive it as a gift from God.
To read the rest of the post about how the gospel applies to motherhood, please join me on the Desiring God blog today.

Behind the Scenes

I'm raising the curtain on the blog today, inviting you to see what goes on behind the scenes. Now, don't get too excited. I'm afraid it's a little like raising the curtain on the Wizard in The Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy and her friends experienced a huge letdown. The Wizard, all wise and powerful sounding, appeared just as frightened, if not more, than the scarecrow or the cowardly lion.

I'm raising the curtain, first, because I want to say thank you. For as long as I can remember, I've had a nagging urge in my heart to write. I muted that urge for many years with my own fear and insecurities until, finally, I listened. Like a colt getting her legs, I wrote. The fear and insecurities didn't go away (still haven't), but I discovered fairly quickly that I loved writing. When I wrote, I realized, I felt like I was worshipping God, like He implanted this in me. I decided that, fear or no fear, readers or no readers, I would forge ahead.

And then (slowly), there were readers. That's you. Some of you are fairly new, having come over from the Desiring God blog. To you I say: Welcome! To all of you I say: Thank you for reading and responding to what I write. Each time one of you connects with something that I'm thinking, wrestling with, or writing out, I glimpse a little of God's grace in my life. As a reader, you are a blessing to me. Thank you. I simply cannot say it enough.

At times, however, I have wrestled with this pursuit. I have debated with myself whether this is a self-indulgent endeavor, probably because I enjoy it so much. In response, the Lord has shown me the fine line between using my gifts for my own purposes and using them for His purposes. He has reminded me of the weight of words and how I must be at His disposal. I must never present myself as having all the answers, and I must never write something that I myself am not living. I must receive grace, and I must speak it. And I must always be willing to lay it aside, if that's what He asks.

In The Weight of Glory, C.S. Lewis speaks to the pursuit of knowledge and beauty, which I equated with writing:

An appetite for these things exists in the human mind, and God makes no appetite in vain. We can therefore pursue knowledge as such, and beauty as such, in the sure confidence that by so doing we are either advancing to the vision of God ourselves or indirectly helping others to do so.

I know what you're thinking: how does all this rambling on about writing take me behind the scenes of the blog? Because this is what I want my heart to be about and what I want this blog to reflect. I write because it helps me process and analyze what God is doing in my own life. If it indirectly encourages others--you--then God's grace is at work.

I'm raising the curtain, too, because this is a transition point. Yesterday, I submitted my manuscript, tentatively entitled, The Church Planting Wife: Help and Hope for Heart. I'm thrilled and a bit relieved to have reached this point in the publishing process. I can't wait to share more about the book in the next few months! My hope is that it will bless church planting wives as they pour out their lives for others. If that's you, please stay tuned.

This is also a transition point because summer is coming quickly, which means my children will be out of school, and I will have limited writing time. Ideally, this is where I would tell you what to expect from the blog, maybe even give you a bullet pointed list of upcoming blog posts. I don't have that to offer because, frankly, I'm a bit tired from crossing yesterday's marathon finish line. However, I'd love to hear from you: what are topics, questions, or ideas you'd like to see on the blog this summer? 

While I have you here, behind the scenes, I want to reiterate how thankful I am that you're here and also how thankful I am that you are doing what you're doing, where you're doing it. I'm so grateful for like-minded women like you, who are living and leading from grace all over the world.

Sunday's Coming

Sunday's coming.

That's what my husband says on Monday mornings, when he leaves for work with a sermon already on his mind. He's on the clock, and time is ticking away.

Sunday's coming.

I imagine that our worship leader, Joseph, senses the urgency as well as he listens for the Spirit's leading, chooses songs, gathers the team for practice, and prepares his own heart for Sunday's corporate worship.

Sunday's coming.

Adam, our pastor overseeing children's ministry, is likely enlisting teachers, collecting materials, and plotting creative ways to teach the gospel to young hearts that will gather in a few days.

Sunday's coming for me, too. I'm the pastor's wife. I won't preach or sing or lead the children this Sunday. In fact, it might appear to most people that I won't do much at all. But I know the truth. I know and embrace that God has given me unique holy orders to help my husband and minister to others, mostly in unseen ways. 

So Sunday's coming for me, too. While Kyle is preparing a sermon and Joseph is choosing songs, I'm arranging my heart and my thoughts, reminding myself of my holy orders, reflecting on my unique opportunities as the pastor's wife, and preparing to (hopefully) be a blessing to others.

I'm praying, as I do every Sunday morning, that my eyes would turn outward toward others and upward toward the Lord in worship, that I would not think about myself or my silly insecurities, that I would hear from the Lord and bless Him with how I love others.

I'm praying that God would ordain conversations, that He would lead me to specific people who need encouragement, prayer, or even a simple welcome.

I'm considering my gifts and saying no to good things that pull me away from where I know God wants to use me. My excitement about exercising my gifts is growing as I anticipate Sunday.

I'm remembering my children. How can I help them learn and grow at church? How can I balance my service in the church with my mothering priorities on Sunday?

I'm reminding myself of how Jesus said that it's better to give than to receive. For that reason, I am making mental notes of people I want to pursue on Sunday morning: those who are hurting, those who I have been praying for, those who I've been thinking about.

In all of it, outward and upward.

Because Sunday's coming.

Greatest Hits: Verses for Ministry

Clint Black is right. Certain songs immediately lift my mood or transport me to a special moment, just like he said would happen in State of Mind: "Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory/ Take you to another place in time/ Completely change your state of mind". That song, in fact, happened to be on the radio on a summer day after my junior year in college, when I went water-skiing with friends. Hearing it, I can almost feel the sun on my skin and remember the feel of the wind in my hair.

There are other songs that act as a soundtrack to periods of my life and immediately transport me back in time:

Eternal Flame by the Bangles and I'll Be There For You by Bon Jovi were the songs of choice at middle school dances.

U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer recalls summer afternoons laying out by the pool with my best friend, listening to my Walkman.

Lisa Loebe's Stay, of which I know every word, constantly played on my stereo during my freshman year in college.

Like the Rain came on the radio as Kyle drove me home (in the rain) from the date where I first knew he was my future husband.

I stood with my bridesmaids outside the sanctuary listening to Shout to the Lord as I prepared to walk down the aisle.

These songs (and others) form a mental collage, a greatest hits of sorts, that speak memories, emotions, and, often, sunshine to my soul.

After 12 years of ministry, I have another greatest hits: a list of verses that I go back to time and again for encouragement, comfort, and reason to persevere in this calling on my life. Often, reading them transports me to points in time where I have experienced God's faithfulness in ministry or have known His pleasure at my obedience. Every time, I am reminded that ministry done in His name is never in vain, and that I must press on. His Word, the true soundtrack of my life, speaks joy to my heart when I need it most.

When I'm questioning myself and wanting to give up:
Therefore (because He gives us the victory), my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 15:58

When it feels like my service doesn't matter:
For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of love which you have shown toward His name, that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. Hebrews 6:10

When ministry seems to require too much:
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. Romans 12:1

When I don't know what to say or what to do to help someone:
When I came to you, brothers and sisters, I did not come proclaiming the mystery of God to you in lofty words or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified. And I came to you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling. My speech and my proclamation were not with plausible words of wisdom, but with a demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom but on the power of God. 1 Corinthians 2:1-2

When I don't want to sacrifice:
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God as something to be exploited, but emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness. And being found in human form, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death--even death on a cross. Philippians 2:3-8

When I am wondering what other people think of me or my husband:
Am I now seeking human approval, or God's approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

When I feel misunderstood:
The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still. Exodus 14:14

When I wish others would serve me:
In all this I have given you an example that by such work we must support the weak, remembering the words of the Lord Jesus, for he himself said, "It is more blessed to give than to receive." Acts 20:35

When I am wounded:
With my voice I cry to the Lord; with my voice I make supplication to the Lord. I pour out my complaint before him; I tell my trouble before him. When my spirit is faint, you know my way. In the path where I walk they have hidden a trap for me. Look on my right hand and see--there is no one who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for me. I cry to you, O Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Give heed to my cry, for I am brought very low. Save me from my persecutors, for they are too strong for me. Bring me out of prison, so that I may give thanks to your name. The righteous will surround me, for you will deal bountifully with me. Psalm 142

When I'm just going through the motions:
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-2

When I think I can do it:
Whoever speaks must do so as one speaking the very words of God; whoever serves must do so with the strength that God supplies, so that God may be glorified in all things through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 4:11

When I don't necessarily want to be the example:
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are abundant for us, so also our consolation is abundant through Christ. If we are being afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation; if we are being consoled, it is for your consolation, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we are also suffering. 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

When I feel like others have an easier road:
(After Jesus told Peter that Peter would die a martyr's death): Then Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following....Peter, seeing him, said to Jesus, "But Lord, what about this man?" Jesus said to him, "If I will that he remains till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me." John 21:20-21


When I'm discouraged:
The One who called you is faithful, and He will do it. 1 Thessalonians 5:24

What verses are on your greatest hits list?

One Sure Thing

I’ve been singing the chorus for weeks, a few simple words from a Charlie Hall song that our worship leader taught us at church:

Christ has died and

Christ has risen.

Christ will come again.

I once heard that a people group in Ecuador define peace as the heart sitting down, and that is just what happens in my soul when I sing those gospel words to myself while I’m blowdrying my hair or fixing dinner or loading children in car seats. All the worries darting through my mind, all the weight of my sin, all the burdens of motherhood and ministry fall right off in light of these truths. My heart sits down, at peace.

That chorus resonates with such certainty that, no matter what, my sin has been removed, death has lost its sting, my struggles and life circumstances will be redeemed. There is hope always because this Person at the core of the gospel, Christ, is unchanging. Because of this, these truths about Him are everlasting. I can put all my weight on Him.

Christ has died and

Christ has risen.

Christ will come again.

This has so much to do with my everyday life as a disciple, a wife, a mother, and a minister of the gospel because, really, the only sure circumstance I know is change. Any fear or worry I have stems from knowing that life can look drastically different from one day to the next. I am frail and unknowing; I cannot predict or control tomorrow. My attempts to resist change or even to get a firm grasp on today are like trying to cup the wind in my hands.

Summer turns to fall.

Little boys grow up.

Day gives way to night.

Gray hair appears.

Jobs change.

Relationships shift.

God gives and takes away.

Nothing goes untouched by change.

Sometimes we believe that security comes in change—a new house, a different job, a change in marital status—and sometimes we believe security comes in hiding from or running from change. But security only comes in the Unchangeable, even as life constantly changes around us.

He is the only sure thing, even more certain than the sun rising and the seasons changing, even more certain than the most secure relationships, even more certain than life and death. When we realize this, we can let go of our death grip on life, stop fearing the future, and enjoy the adventure of life because we are hidden safely in the Unchangeable.

Peace is there.

Marriage? God is forever faithful.

Children? God is forever faithful.

The church? God is forever faithful.

Vocation? God is forever faithful.

Tragedy? God is forever faithful.

Disability? God is forever faithful.

Culture? God is forever faithful.

Friendship? God is forever faithful.

He is unchanging.

May our hearts sit down.