March 4, 2009

Unto Him

I go through seasons in life where I struggle to be at rest in my heart. It usually happens in times of major upheaval, so some of it is definitely related to our recent move and change in ministry. And I think that's understandable since I'm trying to find my way and my place here. But it also happens when I rely on myself and my abilities to "make things happen" or "get things done" instead of finding true rest in Jesus. 

Most of my unrest lately has focused around one question: "God, what do you want from me?" I question if I'm doing enough or being enough, especially in this church planting thing where the opportunities are never ending and I could spin plates in all sorts of directions. Some of this is my ongoing struggle to walk in grace rather than works and to be at rest that my standing in Christ cannot change. But I also truly want to be doing the things that are important, the things God specifically designed me for and put me here for. 

I feel sometimes as if there are only some things that matter to God. And I think sometimes we propagate this idea with each other. There is some sort of spiritual hierarchy with overseas missions being at the top or maybe the person who has 8 kids and is adopting more or maybe the Christian celebrity that everyone follows. Personally, I sometimes feel like wiping my kids nose isn't as purposeful and important to God as grabbing coffee with someone who needs some encouragement.

I finally found rest yesterday in I Corinthians 15:58, which says, "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord."

So, I may be wrong, but I think this verse is saying that whatever I do unto the Lord is something He values. So if I'm changing a diaper and do it unto the Lord, He is pleased. If I'm doing the laundry or going grocery shopping or setting up chairs for church or emailing a friend or napping unto the Lord, it is not in vain.

Obviously, there are limits to what I'm saying. I can't have a torrid affair unto the Lord and He be excited about that. And I know there are certain very specific and individual things He expects from me that He will tell me and I need to do (like move to VA), but generally speaking through the day to day stuff of life, even the littlest thing I do can be purposeful and important and pleasing to God if I do it willingly and joyfully unto Him.

I believe, too, that when we have a heart that is seeking what God wants from us daily, the Holy Spirit will speak to us and tell us these things. So it's not coming up with our list of things to do for God that pleases Him, but obedience when He compels us toward a task. And He always compels us outward, away from ourselves, to love and serve people.

I like how the verse says to be steadfast and immovable because I am so quick to fall back into my own way, which is usually doing things unto myself or begrudgingly doing the daily chores of life.

It's been amazing as I have reminded myself of this verse throughout my day. I have enjoyed serving my husband, my children, and my church so much more.