September 9, 2010
It happens every time.
As soon as I step foot into Target, I immediately forget the mental list of things I intended to buy. Something about the place--the bright lights, the red circles, the neatly stacked shelves, the cute housewares, the clearance shelves--dulls my ability to discern what is a need and what is want. "Shopping at Target Without Children)" could easily top my list of hobbies/interests in that little box on my Facebook profile. For this reason, I'm glad I live thirty minutes from the nearest Target. Those minutes of driving give me time to prepare myself for the sensory onslaught and to chant my mental list of necessary purchases.
Sometimes I lose focus in life, too, and forget what it is I'm supposed to be about. Routine or spiritual apathy often dull my vision. But, lately, I've found another culprit: glamour. Let's face it--so much of what we do as wives and moms is completely unglamorous. Change a diaper. Fold clothes. Plan the week's meals. Run errands. Buy a shower gift. Sit in Bible study. Load and unload backpacks. Water the plants. Meet another mom for a playdate. Go to work. Then, at the end of the day, we plop down in front of Oprah and hear all this talk about women having and pursuing a dream and "living our best lives". It starts to feel like women who start their own companies or leave their husbands so they can "find" themselves in Bali are truly living glamorous lives. And we aren't.
I have been swayed by this idea that dreaming big things for my life means doing glamorous things. But what do I define as glamorous? When it all boils down, glamorous usually means what other people consider interesting or inspirational or doing something humongus for God. Pursuing glamourous dreams makes life about me, causing my heart to turn inward and resentful of what God has actually given me to do or what He hasn't given me to do. When I am not faithful in the small things, why do I expect God to give me big things?
At this point in my life, I find myself looking for the next thing God has for me to do. But He is calling me to stay focused, not seeking after my own, but being faithful to do what He's already given--no matter how unglamorous.
"Aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work wth your own hands...that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing."--1 Thessalonians 4:11-12