An Interview with Lauren Chandler

When Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village Church in Flower Mound, Texas, had a seizure on Thanksgiving Day 2009 and it was discovered that he had a brain tumor, the Christian community fervently prayed. As I followed his progress, my thoughts often turned to his wife Lauren.

I briefly met Lauren Chandler a few years ago at a college women's conference. She was everything you hope she'd be: beautiful, gracious, and instantly likeable. At the time The Village Church was on the cusp of its growth explosion and Matt was becoming a sought-after communicator. As a minister's wife myself, I wondered what her world was like and how she was handling the limelight.

I recently asked Lauren if she would answer a few questions about her experience as a pastor's wife and she graciously accepted. I was encouraged by her answers and I hope you will be too. I will be posting them over the next several days.

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What advice would you give to church planting wives who are in the beginning stages of church planting? 

Remember that your first ministry is in your home: to your husband and, if applicable, to your children. No matter what demands are placed on you because of the church, do not attend to them at the expense of your home. Also, keep careful watch over your own heart and soul. If needed, see a professional, biblical counselor. There is no shame in that. There was a season early in our life at The Village where I desperately needed that kind of help. I probably could have seen the counselor sooner but fell into the trap of thinking I'd just try harder: read my Bible more faithfully, pray more earnestly, and just be less self-centered. Of course, that never worked because I was more set on perfecting the flesh than dealing with the deep roots of pride in my heart.

In those first two years, what were the most difficult aspects of (re)planting for you and how did you work through those struggles? 

When we came to The Village (at the time it was known as Highland Village First Baptist Church), I was 8 months pregnant with our first child. It's hard to know if the "growing pains" I experienced were as a result of becoming a pastor's wife and replanting a church or of becoming a mother.  Motherhood rocked me. I no longer had the "luxury" of being self-focused. It cost more than in marriage. On the flip side, motherhood protected me from the unfair demands and expectations that sometimes come with planting/replanting. Matt did a great job protecting me too. I was given the chance to speak in front of the core congregation (about 60) and state my intention of putting my home first. If ministry poured from that, I would pursue it. In other words, I kept first things first and let others who were in a more appropriate season of life to carry the weight of ministry at The Village. I didn't have the demand or expectation of leading worship, teaching Sunday school, organizing the children's ministry or women's ministry, etc. I know that is not everyone else's experience. Sometimes you just have to do what is necessary. However, if it comes at the expense of your home and the health of your soul (as long as your heart is rooted in the Lord and not simply subversive), have a conversation with your husband. Join together in asking the Lord to fill spots that you currently fill but at the expense of your home. 

How are you a helpmate to your husband?  

I try to keep an orderly home. Laundry is not fun for me. This is a place in which I've grown and desire to grow even more. Matt having clean white shirts, socks and underwear in his drawer (this is key!) or having shirts ironed speaks his love language. He is gracious and doesn't demand these things but does delight in my staying on top of laundry.

I try to have healthy meals at home. Matt is out with all kinds of people almost all the time. He enjoys having quiet dinners at home with the family instead of out in a loud restaurant where the healthy choices are slim to none. I love eating out, so this one was (and can still be) hard for me. But, with Matt's change in diet due to his health, it is easier to prepare meals at home.

I try to make home a safe place for Matt. After a full day at the office, in meetings, handling problems that my little brain can hardly imagine or heart can hardly take, the last thing he wants to come home to is a needy wife who is grilling him about how he is running the church. I have learned this the hard way. Even sincere questions with no malicious intent about the church at the wrong time are devastating to your intimacy with your husband. At the right time, it can be life-giving. I want to know what's going on and how I can pray for Matt in leading the church. I want to be the iron sharpening iron. But, I need the Spirit's wisdom in determining the right time. Also, I don't look to Matt to satisfy my need for significance and value. Yes, he does make me feel significant and valuable but the weight of that does not fall entirely on him. Instead, it falls on the Father and understanding His love for me because of Christ. 

I try to be a friend to Matt. I love just being with him. We've had pillow fights. We've been goofy together. We watch "guy" movies (though I secretly like most of them) together. I listen when he tells me obscure facts about football. 

I try to be responsive to his approach. The last thing he wants is to be rejected by me. I want to be the most responsive to his advances. It pleases God. It pleases Matt. And, in the end, even when I may not be "in the mood," it pleases me.

Lauren's answers will continue in my next post. Hope you'll join me!
You can read Part Two here.