So at dinner, after we talked about our wedding and exchanged cards, I opened a can of worms.
I asked Kyle what he'd like to do in the future, about his dreams and aspirations. When he shared them with me, a little bubble of uncertainty rose inside me.
I am a fall-in-line, rule-following kind of girl. He is a skip-the-line, rules-are-made-to-be-broken kind of guy. I tell myself all the reasons why I shouldn't. He says, "Why not?" I hesitate out of fear. He has no fear. I love order and try to control the unknown. He loves spontaneity and adventure. My first gut reaction is no. His is YES!
We haven't talked about future dreams in a while because, well, we've been in the middle of seeing one come true: a planted church. We're just now bobbing to the surface, gasping for air, and looking around for new adventures. Well, Kyle is at least. I'm just now getting settled in my comfortable, stable cocoon with everything in its place. I supported his dream and now I'm shaking the dirt off my hands and calling it a day as a dutiful wife.
But as he shared about his dreams at dinner, I thought, "Why not?" If I've learned anything from my husband, it's that life is meant to be lived big. Why not try something new, even if I look foolish doing it? Why not leave the mess in the kitchen so I can play hide and seek with my boys? Why not give generously even when we don't have much extra?
And if there is anything I've learned about my God from church planting, it's that a life of faith is the most joy-filled adventure there is.
Why not believe Him when He says that He loves me and has removed my sin?
Why not quit worrying and believe that He'll provide for me perfectly?
Why not forgive instead of poisoning myself with hatred or regret?
Why not receive the gifts He gives me rather than remaining in feelings of unworthiness?
Why not follow where He's leading?
I'm learning to throw caution to the wind, although I'm still cautious about when I should throw caution to the wind.
And I'm learning that allowing Kyle to pursue his dreams shows him love.
So I said yes.
I'll watch from the sidelines, far far from the sidelines.