As we prepared to church plant, my consistent prayer was, “Lord, show me my role in this.” Being a teensy-weensy bit Type-A, I preferred He give me a job description of sorts, neatly typed in bullet points under the heading “How to Be a Perfect Church Planter’s Wife.”
I wanted some idea of what I’d be doing and what would be required of me, but He only spoke in generalities: Follow Me. Serve your family. Love people.
Yes, Lord, but what do I do?
I looked for clues as I tried picturing well-known church planters’ wives, but in my mind they just sat serenely in the front row of the warehouse/renovated grocery store/church, attentive to their husbands as they preached to large, hipster crowds. In my imagination, they appeared quiet. Adored. Perfect.
The Lord brought our first years in ministry to mind--the years when I desperately tried to please people (fail) and tried to squeeze myself into the ministry wife mold (fail)--as a reminder of how He'd released me from all that nonsense. But as I prayerfully prepared for church planting, I still felt an overwhelming need to clarify my role in it all.
He simply whispered grace and freedom over me: Follow Me. Serve your family. Love people. Practice hospitality.
Yes, Lord, but what do I do?
The hardest part of being a church planting wife has been finding my niche. Because here's the deal: I know what I'm passionate about and I know what my gifts are, but I can't ever settle into anything because the church is constantly growing, changing, and evolving. It's kind of like a funnel. The start of the church plant was the wide opening, where I was called upon to do all kinds of things that I didn't love and wasn't good at. As we grew, I moved closer to the middle of the funnel where I was doing more of what I enjoyed but still alot of what I didn't. Now, close to three years into the plant, we're less of a church plant and more of a honest-to-goodness church. I'm closer to the narrow part of the funnel (thank you, Lord!) but I find that the ever-evolving nature of the church is difficult for me.
I still find myself struggling with thoughts like Am I doing enough? Am I doing this right? What do I do now?
And there He is again, whispering. Follow Me. Love your husband. Serve your kids. Love the people that I bring in your path. Practice hospitality. Pour grace and love on people. I'm not concerned with perfection. I just want your faithfulness and from that, I will produce fruit.
