3. You must plan ahead and get dates with friends on the calendar otherwise ministry events and needs will swallow up all your time and you will find yourself in lonely emotional places. Be good to yourself and your friends by making time for friendship.
4. Your husband probably has the best read on who your friends are. He sees how people affect you--who encourages you, who gives you life, and also who depletes you. Trust his discernment.
5. Tell your friends that they are your friends, that they aren't just church members to you.
6. Let your friends serve you. Tell them your struggles, ask them to pray for you, let them see you when you're questioning things or feeling unsure. Fight the urge to continue being the pastor's wife (i.e. have it together) with your friends.
7. There may be people in your church who pursue you for friendship who are not safe for you. This is complex and complicated in so many ways but do not hesitate to maintain appropriate boundaries. Take care, however, that you are honoring and loving those people.
8. Do not have a checklist for what your friends should be like (i.e. married, have children, go to your church, in ministry, etc.) because this only guarantees your isolation. Pursue relationships with people you click with. Period.
9. Apologize as needed.
10. Learn to talk to God and trust Him with the things you cannot share with your friends. You need friends, but you need God more.
8 comments:
Oh man, just this morning I have been grappling with numbers 7 and 9.
Wow...3 & 5 really hit me. I think I have some notes to write to let some sweet ladies know about number 5.
So grateful to still be your friend, to have been a deep and treasured friend in our early years of parenting.... love you!
love this! i've heard pastor's wives tell me (before I was a church planter's wife) that they couldn't have any REALLY CLOSE friends in the church because they could never unguard themselves or their family as they were seen as the pastor and that's it... I figured it made a degree of sense at the time, but now that I'm in her shoes it sounds horrible to me! Glad to hear other pastor's wives having healthy friendships within the church.
I wholeheartedly agree--all of these points are great advice! I have struggled with opening myself up to friendships with the women in our congregations and yet wanting to protect my husband's ministry. The Lord has been so gracious! He's placed very good three friends around me to hold me accountable (an inner circle, as Jesus had one, too!), in the midst of all the other women whom I see each week and love on, serve, and pray for. Oh, how I praise Him for these relationships! The years I went along without the input of these women were dry, dry years. . .
After 30+ years in the ministry, I feel God is giving me so many more opportunities to love and do more with the women in my church family now. Our church is beginning a mentoring/discipleship aspect of our women's ministry (because it hasn't been happening organically, due to several reasons) and I'm on the steering team. I'm excited about what God is going to do, in His time, in His way! May HE be praised!
Thank you, again, Christine, for your blog and showing your love for Jesus through what you write. May God continue to bless you greatly and receive the glory from it! I'll be back to read more!
Lookin' up,
Jean Huffman
Hello, I found your blog from a link on Chip MacGregor's site. I loved this post - great friendship advice. I've been doing a series on friendship on my blog over at breakfastinmoscow.wordpress.com. I really liked point 4, about your husband being a better judge of your friendships - I've never thought about it before, but I guess it's really true. Do you mind if I link to this post tomorrow?
Thanks again for the great read! :)
From Jean:
I wholeheartedly agree--all of these points are great advice! I have struggled with opening myself up to friendships with the women in our congregations and yet wanting to protect my husband's ministry. The Lord has been so gracious! He's placed very good three friends around me to hold me accountable (an inner circle, as Jesus had one, too!), in the midst of all the other women whom I see each week and love on, serve, and pray for. Oh, how I praise Him for these relationships! The years I went along without the input of these women were dry, dry years. . .
After 30+ years in the ministry, I feel God is giving me so many more opportunities to love and do more with the women in my church family now. Our church is beginning a mentoring/discipleship aspect of our women's ministry (because it hasn't been happening organically, due to several reasons) and I'm on the steering team. I'm excited about what God is going to do, in His time, in His way! May HE be praised!
Thank you, again, Christine, for your blog and showing your love for Jesus through what you write. May God continue to bless you greatly and receive the glory from it! I'll be back to read more!
Lookin' up,
Jean Huffman
From Elizabeth:
Hello, I found your blog from a link on Chip MacGregor's site. I loved this post - great friendship advice. I've been doing a series on friendship on my blog over at breakfastinmoscow.wordpress.com. I really liked point 4, about your husband being a better judge of your friendships - I've never thought about it before, but I guess it's really true. Do you mind if I link to this post tomorrow?
Thanks again for the great read! :)
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