But something often stands in the way of the first thought and the second. Something causes us to hesitate, to shrink back. Something keeps us from asking. What is it? Why do we do this?
But perhaps we even use the perfectionist ideal of hospitality as an excuse. Perhaps the real issue is that we're insecure and afraid to ask because what if she doesn't want to be friends? What if she thinks we're weird? Asking someone to get together sometimes feels very vulnerable and awkward. So we don't ask, because of ourselves and this notion of having to be perfect.
But there are other things that cause us to hesitate, or maybe I'm the only one. I make assumptions about people: they wouldn't want to, they're too busy, they are in a different life stage and I don't know what to do with that, from what I know we probably wouldn't have anything in common. Most assumptions, however, are far from true. They typically only serve to create divisions and invite more of my insecurities.
It might help to return to a basic definition of hospitality. The New Testament word means love for outsiders. There is nothing in there about placemats or centerpieces, nothing about receiving a return invitation, nothing about dining with only certain types of people. It seems to imply a strong pursuit, a seeking of those who are outsiders to invite them to become insiders.
We can only take up this definition of hospitality when we are free from our worldly confines of perfectionism and reputation-building. We can only take up this definition when we know and want to live out the gospel.
The gospel takes away all excuses, all assumptions, all self-focus. Second Corinthians 5:14-15 says that the love of Christ compels us outward and, as Tim Keller describes, enables us to experience the freedom of self-forgetfulness. True hospitality is birthed there.
So let's be done with excuses. Let's put to death those silly insecurities. Let's ask when we think of inviting someone into our home and our heart.
It may just be the Holy Spirit leading.
And she just might say yes.
This is the second in a series of posts on hospitality. You can read the first here. At the end of the series, on November 7th, I will host a link-up to share hospitality tips and ideas. If you would like to participate, begin planning your blog post now. Tell us what you are learning about hospitality. How do you practice hospitality? What recipes could you share with us? How do you get over your insecurities in this area? How have you built friendships through unbelievers through hospitality? I can't wait to see and read all your wonderful ideas!
6 comments:
Great challenge! Next time I have that idea, I'll act on it and not just say 'we'll to it later' I want to live generously and opening my home and life to others I think can be a good way to do just that : )
I don't know if I can attend the linkup due to work so here's my story.
My biggest lesson about hospitality came from someone I had invited to visit my home. She was someone I really wanted to connect with and I was eager to hear her story and share our hearts in prayer for the kingdom.
I forgot she was coming.
Not only did I forget she was coming, but when the doorbell rang and I remember, my face was streaked with tears.
Boy, did I learn a lesson.I wrote about it on my blog later that day: http://surpassingglory.blogspot.com/2009/06/true-hospitality.html
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The knock on the door came unexpectedly at 2:00 PM today.
Not that it should have been unexpected, mind you. Though not on the wall calendar, the
meeting was on my email calendar and written on the to-do list I'd never gotten around to looking at in a busy morning. But the events of this thing called "life" had caused me to completely forget that today was a day I'd been looking forward to for a few weeks.
A couple of divine appointments established a connection between me and another
believer who I really have wanted to get to know. We planned to meet today and she was prompt, knocking on the door at 1:55. When my husband came and asked if I was expecting company, I immediately remembered and was aghast.
The house was a mess. I hadn't even so much as vacuumed up the mass of seed kernels and dog hair left by our pets, much less put up things around the kitchen or folded the clothes on the bed. Furthermore, I was not in a mood for company at the time! While I
wanted to see her, I'm an introvert by nature, and playing hostess in this setting stretched me waaaaaaay out of my comfort zone!
But God is good and faithful. Somehow I managed to welcome her and she was gracious from the beginning. She managed to make me feel comfortable in my own home, my own mess. She brought a cheesecake, we sat at the table,and conversation began to flow. Within minutes I realized I wouldn't have missed this for the world - mess or no mess.
Over the next 4 hours we laughed and talked. When I got hungry I got up and ate; she
eagerly invited herself to have one of the bananas on the table. When she got tired, she took a catnap and I threw in a load of laundry and cleared off the counter. What is a struggle even with my closest friends and extended family became the most natural thing in the world with my new friend. In the process, I heard one of the most amazing stories of
grace I've ever known. When we prayed, I felt the presence of the Lord in a very real and powerful way. I knew that I so easily could have missed all of that for being "worried and bothered about so many things".
When my new friend left, she thanked me for opening my home. She said she was glad that it was the way it was, because it felt like life. Some days are good, some are bad; we're up and we're down; and we are in it together. Hospitality is more about being willing to share life than it is about any decorations, meals, or preparation time. It's about openness and servanthood and relationship and love. Mostly, it's about making someone feel comfortable enough to be who they are, to tear down walls.
Today, I played hostess. But my friend brought the hospitality.
I'd love to hear how it goes!!
I LOVE this. Thank you so much for sharing.
I'd be interested to hear how you strike a good balance between hospitality and generosity - and guarding some down-time, time to recharge and get on top of things in a way that enables you to be there for your family as well as for existing relationships.
With 2 little kids under 3 at home, I currently struggle more with doing LESS hospitality, if that makes sense - biting my tongue rather than make another promise or give out an invitation that I cannot actually handle. I totally agree about all the things you say - but at this point in my life, I feel very much my limitation in terms of the number of people I can reasonably invite into my life. My current struggle is very much with balancing family and the needs of small children (and a husband who's a new pastor...) with my natural inclination to make new contacts. I'm not entirely sure my motives are always the best, anyway - I guess adult-conversations of any kind seems very attractive when you're with 2 little ones all day, as much as I love them. But I appreciate the encouragement to keep an attitude of being open for inviting new people into my life - within the limits that my current season brings with it, I guess.
Also, I'm starting to notice that if I fill up the empty slots I DO have, I end up exhausted and cranky and not much good for anyone. Also, I find that I have to be careful to make room for God, first, before I make room for people, which can be one of my pitfalls as it feels much more "tangible" and thus easier to do, sometimes. Any thoughts?
Claudia, I completely relate because I am very much like you. I have had to study myself: I now know what I can handle in a week and I keep a very tight rein on my schedule. I am more of an introvert so I must have built in time to rest and unwind. I also desire and want to keep time with my family a priority over other people. So in studying myself, I know what I can or can't commit to in a day or in a week or even in a month. My husband and I go over our schedules every Sunday for the following week, talk about people we're interested in connecting with the following week or within the month, we decide when are open opportunities to initiate with those people, and we really don't deviate much from that. We're not "fly by the seat of our pants" people....we would go insane if we were.
I generally never tell someone face to face that I can or can't do something, especially on Sundays. I always say, "Email me when you're available" or something like that so I can make decisions in context of the entire calendar.
There are some times that I very rarely give away: afternoons from 1-5:30 b/c that's the main time my kids get and that's when I'm preparing dinner, we're working on homework, etc. Every once in a while, we'll do a playdate but only if it's something that's fun for my kids and not "ministry-related".
The most important advice I can give you, something I've learned the hard way, is that I must almost daily check myself. Am I making decisions based on the fear of man or the fear of God? Often, when I determine only to fear God, my priorities instantly become clear and it's easy to determine my schedule. It helps me say no or see rest as a good thing, as my protection. And it definitely helps me keep my family as priority.
I hope that helps. What are your thoughts?
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