Having our first child rocked my world. I had been warned that the sleepless nights and round-the-clock nursing made showering and other daily necessities almost an impossibility, so I was prepared as much as one can prepare for the delightful combination of hormones and zombie-ness. But I was not prepared for nor did I anticipate moving into a new season of ministry alongside my husband.
At the time my husband was a college minister. This means late night broomball, porta-potties left on your lawn (don't ask), and of course deeply profound spiritual activities sprinkled in somewhere. Before baby, I did everything alongside Kyle: leadership meetings, retreats, barn dances, and lunches with college girls.
After baby, I did absolutely none of those things. I saw my husband off to his evening activities or meetings and stayed home with my baby, who liked to cry. I specifically remember a summer night when Kyle kissed me goodbye on his way out for midnight broomball as I nursed Will in the nursery rocking chair. When he returned at 3 am, I was once again feeding the baby in that nursery rocking chair, bleary-eyed and exhausted.
I felt purposeless and adrift. Feeding a baby and changing diapers didn't feel spiritually significant. All those wonderful, important things I had done pre-baby were things of the past and this was my new life. For a while, I didn't like my new life, and I mourned what I had lost or given up. But then the truth struck me that my identity is not "pastor's wife"and that what I considered spiritually significant was skewed. And I realized that I had moved into a new season--I could still serve alongside my husband, but church ministry would get much less of my time and attention, and what I could do with a baby in tow would be drastically different than before.
I have had this same realization at different points along the ministry road. Just as there are seasons of motherhood and seasons of marriage, there are seasons of ministry. These seasons often correspond with seasons of marriage and motherhood but also health, trials, the type of ministry our husbands are doing, and work status. Sometimes we're heavily involved in the church and sometimes we aren't. Sometimes we can lead and sometimes we can't. Sometimes we say yes and sometimes we have to say no.
My seasons in ministry have fluctuated with pregnancies and babies, challenges my children have faced, my husband's job, my spiritual needs, the age of my children, and the needs of the church. At each transition, whether it's stepping in or pulling out of a ministry opportunity, I have to remind myself that there are these seasons and not to get too worked up about one thing or another. After all, my God and my family are my most important priorities. If I am productive in ministry but fail my family, I have failed entirely.
We are not our ministry. We are first Christians, then wives and moms. And that never goes out of season.
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7 comments:
Thank you so much for posting this. I have been a pastor's wife for all of 3-months! When my husband walked into his new ministry role on his first day I had a six-week-old! For me, his ministry started while I'm in a season of dirty diapers and spit up. I struggle with not being able to connect with the youth of our large church, simply because their gatherings take place after my daughter's bedtime. Thank you for reminding me about my priorities and that this is but a season!
Great post! Women need to hear this.Great encouragement.
Thank you for your post! The Lord is currently teaching me this same lesson. As the wife of a church planter in Costa Rica, we "planted" the church together and did everything together. Now with two kids ages 3 and 1 I have learned that my identity cannot be my role in ministry but in Christ alone. I'm realizing how absolutely satisfying and peaceful it is to make my husband and children my priority, refusing to feel guilty that I'm not doing "enough" in the church.
Thank you for writing this. I have been saying this very thing "it is a season" over the last few months. My husband is a pastor for the first time at a small church in a small town. Much work to be done, but few workers means more and more gets added to our list. Lately I have been pulling away, and back to home. Then the unthinkable happened. Will you please pray for me? My 9 mo. Old baby has pertussis, I'll get the results back from my labs next week. We know that this an attack from the enemy, but know our God is stronger still. I am dripping in his mercies right now, as He reveals to us over and again that His hand is upon us. I know God sent me to this blog shortly before our assignment so that I could be fed and encouraged here prior to this challenge. Thank you for all you do.
Shelley, I will most definitely pray for you, your husband, and your baby. I'm praying right now! Thank you for sharing that with me.
Yes! Thank you for this post! A 4 yr old who is struggling to adjust to her new 2 month old brother, who begins testing to look for intestinal blockages tomorrow, leave this mama and wifey wondering how in the world I will be able to fully support my hubby starting our new satellite church 30 miles away from our home in January! Praying for the grace to keep trusting and knowing this is where we've been led to be serving and laying down our lives and rights and not holding too tightly to our daddy, nor growing resentful towards his new life and community that will be harder to be a part of than the one we are serving in now, and farther away daily from us than what we have been used to...not five minute access. Whew, a mouthful! Anyways, much grace needed for a daily covering indeed! So anyways, thanks for letting me know I am not alone in struggles and reminding me of the grace ready for the taking. Sure appreciate how you let Jesus write through you. :)
KI said:
Yes! Thank you for this post! A 4 yr old who is struggling to adjust to her new 2 month old brother, who begins testing to look for intestinal blockages tomorrow, leave this mama and wifey wondering how in the world I will be able to fully support my hubby starting our new satellite church 30 miles away from our home in January! Praying for the grace to keep trusting and knowing this is where we've been led to be serving and laying down our lives and rights and not holding too tightly to our daddy, nor growing resentful towards his new life and community that will be harder to be a part of than the one we are serving in now, and farther away daily from us than what we have been used to...not five minute access. Whew, a mouthful! Anyways, much grace needed for a daily covering indeed! So anyways, thanks for letting me know I am not alone in struggles and reminding me of the grace ready for the taking. Sure appreciate how you let Jesus write through you. :)
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