Well, you better prepare yourself because you're about to get a whole lot of wisdom and encouragement from a seasoned pastor's wife today on the blog. Tricia Lovejoy, wife of Shawn Lovejoy and mom of three, joins me to talk about church planting and ministry life. Shawn is the Lead Pastor of Mountain Lake Church and Tricia is a freelance writer and blogger. She leads the women of her church in an
environment called Girlfriends, and she mentors Pastors’ wives across the
country. You can connect with Tricia at SharpenHer.com or Flourish.me.
Q: There are definitely different stages of
church planting (pre-plant, first year/1-200 people, 200-500 people, and 500+).
You and Shawn have been through all of them at Mountain Lake. What have you, as
the pastor’s wife, found to be the essential lesson of each stage?
A: God
never puts someone into a leadership position fully ready to take the job. It seems He prefers on-the-job
training. A quick look through
Scripture proves my point: Moses, Jonah, Peter, Paul....the list could go
on. These men were not ready for
the tasks they faced, but God equipped them nonetheless, and He taught them
many lessons along the way.
I
can relate. My husband and I
planted our church in 2000. We had
never been in a “lead position” before, we were new to our community, and we
had no core group. In short, we
weren’t ready to face the challenges before us. Well, we thought we were, but that was just young bravado
talking. The truth is, God taught
us essential lessons at each stage of church planting that not only equipped us
to handle future challenges, but also shaped our character. Let me quickly share a few:
Pre-plant
stage:
Our very first Small Group was an utter flop. 18 people committed to come. 0 showed up.
ZERO! We felt like failures that night. But, God taught us an important lesson: Accept
disappointments, not defeat.
In other words, we determined from the start that although failures
would come, but we could not give up.
Too much was at stake. That
determination has held us steady in ministry for years since.
First
2 years of Church Planting: The planter and his wife
must be strong ministry partners and strong
marriage partners. Don’t
neglect either role. A healthy relationship between the pastor and his wife is
critical.
Years
3-5: As
goes leadership, so goes the church.
If you want a vibrant, healthy, growing church, the ministry team must
be vibrant, healthy, and growing spiritually.
Years
6-10: The wife of the pastor has influence! Use it! Encourage the ministry team. Counsel people regarding faith
and family. Brainstorm with your
husband about ministry, messages, staffing, and future plans. God has given you this role....use it
for the good of His Kingdom.
Years
11-13: Never exchange “who” you are in God with “what”
you do for God. Titles,
recognition, and status mean nothing.
The only thing that matters is integrity before God.
Q: You get to speak with countless pastors’
wives and church planting wives. What are the overarching issues you’re seeing
among ministry wives today? What do you say to encourage or challenge women in
these issues?
A: Names
and faces change, but the issues do not.
Most Pastors’ wives I speak to struggle to find meaningful friendships
and to find ways to balance family and ministry. Here is my general response to these issues:
1. I
can attest that having close friends in your church (as the pastor's wife) is
tricky. My suggestion is to have lots of friends at different levels, i.e.,
some you laugh with, some who make you think, some you lead, etc. Some
friendships will be more casual; others will be more meaningful. And, if along
the way you find the perfect BFF who can be all of those things, grab her up
and treasure her! But if you never find the perfect BFF, at least you'll have a
treasure trove of friends to enjoy. In addition, cultivate relationships
through websites designed specifically for PW’s. Talking with other women in ministry often puts life in
perspective. My favorites are: Flourish.me, Leading and
Loving It, and, of course, my own blog!
2. Forget the myth of balance! I’ve never been able to give equal
time, energy, and love to every area of my life. My goal is to be fully engaged wherever I am. In other words, when I’m with my family,
I am fully “wife and mom.” No
other agenda has my attention.
And, when I’ve scheduled time to focus on ministry, I give it my
all. The key to being fully
engaged is SCHEDULING. Plan your
work, and work your plan.
Q: How do you encourage your husband when he
is discouraged in ministry? How do you encourage yourself in the Lord when you
are the one who is discouraged?
A: More
than anyone else around him, our husbands need to hear US say things
like, “I’m with you no matter what. I
know you the best, and I love you the most.” They need us to keep them
focused on living out God’s purpose for their lives, not on the voice of the
naysayers. Our encouragement means more to them than a thousand pats on the
back by well-meaning friends. Here are a few ways I cheer my husband on:
1.
After each of our worship services, I’m waiting backstage for Shawn. He looks at me while he’s taking off
the mic and I know what his eyes are asking: “Was I clear? Did I make sense? I need your feedback.” He’s not asking for a pat on the
back. He really wants the
truth. And, I give it to him. But, I always build him up and
encourage him. It takes quite a
lot to do what he does, and I understand that having a support system around
him will only make him better.
2. I stand with Shawn in the lobby after
each of our services. Don’t get me
wrong....I want to be there to hug necks and pray with people. But, my husband needs a partner,
too. Sometimes the ministry of “presence”
is encouragement in itself.
3. I celebrate his accomplishments. Anniversaries of big days at MLC,
achievements in our community, a spiritual win.....whatever it is, I enjoy
celebrating with him. My husband
is a pretty driven guy, so helping him slow down long enough to enjoy the ride
is a pretty healthy thing!
4. I protect our day off together. We have some pretty good talks on these
dates....leaving us both refreshed and ready to tackle another week.
As
for handling my own discouragement, Shawn does for me what I do for him. He is
my partner in every way. God often
uses him to speak wisdom into confusing or hurtful circumstances in my
life. But, without fail, the way I
battle discouragement is by reading God’s Word and journaling my thoughts. I have stacks of journals chronicling
my journey with God. I only have
to look back over what God has brought me through in the past to gain hope for
my future.
Thank you, Tricia! Readers, what did Tricia share that you resonate most with?
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