Southwestern Seminary recently interviewed me about why I wrote The Church Planting Wife. I wanted to share it with you because it tells a little more of our story and what led me to write the book for women like you. Blessings on your day!
What made you decide
to write this book?
When my husband and I planted a church in 2008, we attended
church planting conferences and read countless resources, but none specifically
spoke to me as the church planter’s wife. I wanted direction and help as we
approached the church planting process. Then we actually planted the church,
which is an immense undertaking, and my want for resources turned to craving. I
love reading and learning through reading, so I read books that encouraged my
faith, such as missionary biographies and books about spiritual warfare. All
along, however, I longed for a book that addressed the specific needs and
struggles that I had as a church planting wife. I started my blog out of that
longing, knowing that others might benefit from my experiences, and the book
followed soon after.
I write my blog and I wrote this book out of a desire to
encourage myself and other ministry wives to joyfully embrace our unique
calling.
Of all the wisdom you
offer in your book, what two things do you hope readers take away from their
reading?
I hope that readers will long reflect on the truth that God
wants their hearts rather than any obligatory service to Him. Because the book
focuses on this, I hope readers allow God to search and try their hearts and
root out anything that keeps them apart from Him and anything that hinders
their love of and ministry to people.
I also hope readers remember the church planting wife’s “job
description” that God reiterated to me over and over through the beginning stages
of our church plant: “Follow Me, serve your family, love people, and practice
hospitality.” In church planting, it appears so much more complicated than
that, but it’s really quite simple.
Your blog, which
pre-dates your book, largely focuses on grace. Why is grace so important for a
minister’s wife, and in particular, for a church planting wife?
The ability to impact others, build a church, change hearts
and lives, disciple others, implant the gospel, heal broken marriages, or any
other work of ministry can only be done by God. The fact that He invites us
into the process is a gift of grace.
I feel strongly that ministers and their wives must
continually know their utter need for God and His grace. How else can we share
it with others? I have found that only as I acknowledge God to do the work of
ministry through me, only as I know my need for the gospel everyday, am I able
to fulfill God’s calling on my life.
On my blog, I don’t give women a list of do’s and don’ts for
ministry or prescriptives to implement in their own contexts. I want to speak
at the heart level, reminding them of the reasons why they do what they do. I
want to give them grace.
What has been the
most God-dependent moment for you and your husband between the day you began dreaming
of church planting and today? The most rewarding moment?
Every stage of church planting has provided a fresh
opportunity to depend on God. When God called us to plant a church, we had so
many unanswered questions: Where? How will we finance this? Who will be on our
core team? How will this affect our children? God answered each one in
spectacular fashion.
The fears and questions at that beginning stage were almost
easier than the ones of doubt and uncertainty in the first year of the church’s
existence. At the end of year one, we were asked to leave our meeting place on
the Friday before our biggest Saturday outreach yet. We went ahead with it,
having nowhere to invite people to join us for church other than the tent in
the grocery store parking lot we used for the outreach. That Sunday, a humid,
rainy August day, we closed out our first year with 31 soggy people under the
tent. My husband came home that day and said, “I feel like we’re starting over.”
It was a sobering anniversary. Was this church going to make it? It’s something
we asked almost everyday, a kind of uncertainty that is extremely difficult to
live in.
Those moments in church planting happen quite often. That
continuous uncertainty refined my faith and taught me how to depend on God
without any of the crutches I have had in our previous ministries. I praise God
that He removed my crutches!
I can recount so many rewarding moments: The first time we
were invited into a local family’s home. The first time my husband was asked to
officiate a wedding in our new city. Marriages restored. Salvations. Fruitful
discipleship relationships. Baptisms. An alcoholic freed from addiction. The
city inviting our church to serve thousands at the local July 4th event. A lady
in the community who saw our church there in our church shirts and said, “You
guys are everywhere!” Serving the school where we meet. And perhaps my favorite
moments: communion Sundays, days where I look around at a collection of people
that I love that are together because of what God has done. It is an incredible
joy.
In your book, you
include several interviews with other church planting wives. How has knowing
other women who have the same calling as you been helpful in your journey?
Knowing other women in ministry and church planting has been
immensely valuable. Church planting wives have an instant understanding and
connection with one another. We know what other wives are facing and how much
encouragement and support they need in their ministries. We know how tired they
are and the weight they carry as they seek to support their husbands. We share
with one another the words, helps, and truths that we need in our unique
callings. There have been many occasions when I have a specific question or
situation that I have taken to other church planting wives, and they’ve spoken
just what I needed.
What is the number
one thing you wish someone would have told you before you and your husband
began your church plant?
Pace yourself for the long haul. I think everyone who church
plants expects it to be difficult but at the same time believes that, because
they are obediently following God, the road will be smooth and they will
experience explosive church growth within the first year. In fact, church
planting is difficult work for a long period of time, much like an
ultra-marathon. Our church is growing and our community impact is happening one
relationship at a time, which requires time, effort, energy, and lots of hard
work.
I can pace myself only when I know and trust that God
provides the increase (1 Corinthians 3:7). This truth—that we are sowers but
God is the grower—has been essential for me as a church planting wife. I can
rest and rejoice knowing that God is responsible for His church.
Throughout your book,
you describe how church planting takes a toll on even the strongest of
marriages. What can a husband and wife specifically do in their marriage before
and while beginning a church plant to avoid potential dangers?
Going into our church plant, my husband and I had what I
believe was a strong and satisfying marriage. We had many safeguards and
priorities in place that worked for us, such as a weekly date night and regular
time away together. We also had served in ministry together for seven
years, working well as partners.
Church planting has been a huge stressor on our marriage. My
husband felt so much pressure as the lead planter to succeed and provide for
his family, pressure that I likely don’t fully understand. That pressure ate at
him for the first year or two, and I felt that I was losing him to church
planting. The nature of church planting is that it threatens to overtake your
entire life, and I struggled with this. Although I knew God had called us to do
it, I struggled with resentment at what my husband’s vocation required of me.
At the height of the most difficult time, I just wanted to be “normal” and live
a “normal” life.
To add to the difficulty, we moved far from our friends and
family to plant the church. All of our safeguards—date nights, time away, rest
from the work—went away temporarily because we didn’t know anyone who could
babysit our children. We quickly realized that we needed to do whatever we
could to have time together where we didn’t talk about church, and we
reinstituted these safeguards as quickly as possible. Thankfully, our marriage
continues to be strong and satisfying, some of which we attribute to the
sanctifying process of church planting.
To those who are entering church planting, I would encourage
them to have sacred time together each week where church is not the main topic.
I would encourage them to communicate constantly about ministry expectations,
discouragements, and victories (even if they are small). I would also suggest
that the husband reiterate constantly by word and deed that his marriage and
family are priorities over the church.
