When God called my husband and I to plant a church, I said
yes. My yes to church planting echoed
the vow I made on my wedding day, that I would support my husband in any
ministry God might give him. As He does with us all, God has not stopped asking
for my yes and He has not stopped
showering His faithfulness on any willingness I offer Him.
Sisters, I believe this—a willing heart—is the key to our
fruitfulness and joy. And yet our hearts are the very things that will be
tempted and tried throughout the church planting process. Feelings of
loneliness, resentment, discouragement, or exhaustion lure us to wander from
Him. The temptations are subtle but real: to turn to others, to turn
away from the calling because it’s difficult and demanding, to distance
ourselves from our husbands out of resentment, to feed our children a faint
distaste for the church and for God, to believe that our successes in church
planting belong to us, to live off of our previous sacrifices and refuse to
sacrifice more of ourselves to God. The temptation is to self: seeking our own
agenda, clamoring to have our needs met, self-promotion, and selfish ambition.
As we seek these things, we become a statistic: burned out, isolated,
depressed, and—sometimes—resigned.
I speak from experience. My heart has been tested countless
times throughout our church planting journey, starting from the moment I
unpacked the last moving box in our new home in our new city.
Over the course of the first year and well into the second,
nothing came easy, despite our hard work. I struggled to conjure up the faith
and excitement I had come to our city with. I longed for God to make things
easier and more comfortable for us. I wondered why we weren’t the church
planters who experienced explosive growth in a short period of time. How I
envied those people.
I began putting undue pressure on my husband Kyle because I was
emotionally fragile, uncertain of my role, and lonely. Church planting was
proving harder than I had originally expected. “Why did you bring me here?” I’d say to Kyle, my words
dripping with resentment. He’d gently remind me that God called me here too,
that we were a team, and that I’d felt so certain when we were preparing to plant
the church.
I mourned the change and what it required of me: more
sacrifice, less of my husband, more uncertainty, less of the familiar routines
we had once enjoyed. I grew disillusioned—with ministry, with church planting,
and with marriage. I dwelled there, feeding my sinful thoughts. What if
we had never moved here? What if Kyle hadn’t gone into ministry? What if we had
ignored God’s call to church plant? What if I hadn’t married someone in the
ministry? What would it hurt just to give up?
I also aimed my bitter arrows at
God. Why can’t You make this easier? I have been obedient and faithful in
coming here, and this is what I get?
Please read the full post on the Desiring God blog.
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Valentines Day is quickly approaching! I'm collecting love letters from church planters and pastors to their wives to post on Thursday. To participate, guys, post your letter on your blog and send the link to me by February 13. One hubby will win his wife a copy of The Church Planting Wife and this heart necklace from The Vintage Pearl!
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