Over coffee and blossoming
friendship, Susan and I shared our stories, our fears, and the victories we’ve
experienced in Christ. Just before I had to leave, I remembered that a specific
decision was weighing on her and asked about it: “Have you made a decision
about your kids and school?”
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| This post is a good excuse for a cute first day of school picture, don't you think? |
She nodded, indicating that
they had decided to make a change. I could tell she felt a little
uncomfortable, nervous even, and I knew why. Our kids go to school together. We
were alike, and her decision was about to make us different. Would I receive
that as an indictment about my own choice?
Susan is a woman of deep
faith, and I knew that she had sought the Lord’s direction through prayer for
many months. “That’s wonderful,” I said, “I am so happy for you that God has
made it clear!”
There was a time, however,
when I struggled when others in our church made choices different than my own.
I worried that I was not spiritual enough or that others were judging me or
that perhaps I was actually missing what God was saying to me. I wrestled
in prayer, rehashing over and over with God what He had already laid out clear.
This discomfort with
differences and resulting division is, unfortunately, not unusual among women
in the church. And our greatest struggles and misunderstandings are typically
concerned with open-handed issues, such as education choices, working/non-working
choices, financial choices, and parenting practices. As a result, we
self-divide, huddling into groups that share our convictions and can best
relate to us. We create further division when we evaluate and judge others
based upon our convictions.
This is dangerous for the
church and not at all biblical. In my own season of struggle over these issues,
I discovered an incredibly helpful framework in Romans 14 for how to relate to
all women in the church regarding open-handed issues.
The basic framework is
based on three main truths:
- Truth
#1: The grace of Christ allows for differences on open-handed issues. We
don’t all have to do everything the same way. (vs. 1-4)
- Truth
#2: Each of us lives by faith as unto the Lord. We will account only to
God for how we lived. (vs. 5-10)
- Truth #3: In the end, the kingdom of God has little to do with open-handed matters. It is instead about righteousness, peace, and joy in the Spirit. The one who focuses on these things is approved by God and man. (vs. 17-18)
How do we then apply this
framework as we relate to other women in the church? Paul, also in Romans 14,
gives us practical commands:
- Don't
judge others who think differently on open-handed issues. Trust God to
lead that person. (vs. 12-13)
- Don't
worry about what others are doing. Focus on what God wants for you,
because you will one day stand accountable to Him for these things. (vs.
10)
- That
said, consider others. If your conviction causes grief or causes another
to stumble, you aren't walking in love. In other words, don’t flaunt your
freedom. Don't destroy another person for the sake of your conviction.
Don't put your conviction above love. (vs. 15-22)
- Pursue
conversation and activity which makes for peace and edification, not
division. (vs. 19)
- Don't
self-condemn because someone else has a different conviction by faith.
(vs. 22)
- Whatever
you do, it must be from faith (not fear) or it is sin. (vs. 23)
- Edify
one another in their choices according to faith, even those different than
your own. (15:1-2)
- Don't separate from others with different convictions. Receive one another just as Christ received both the circumcised and the Gentile. (15:7-9)
As I began to personally
meditate on the truths of Romans 14, focus on following God’s leading in my own
family by faith, and seek to edify and understand the women around me, I
experienced the freedom and joy of living as unto God rather than being
concerned with what everyone else was doing. He released me from
self-condemnation.
This same freedom is
available to women in our churches as we cross false boundaries, champion one
another’s faith, and focus on what is truly at the heart of the kingdom of God.
This is how love abounds among both “Jew” and “Gentile”.
*shared with Susan's permission :)
