April 23, 2015

When Life is Unmanageable

Life isn't meant to be manageable. At least not a life of faith.

Sure, I can try to keep everything in my life nice and tidy, packed in among boundaries that fit how I think life ought to fit. A person difficult to like, much less love? Shove them politely outside the boundaries. An unexpected trial? Something has gone terribly wrong in God's sovereign plan, so I must control it within an inch of its life and squeeze it into my safe self-made structure. A calling to take on a ministry outside of my natural abilities? I am quick to assume my answer should be no. Weights and burdens and busyness? Perhaps the answer is to throw off a few things, even things that God has clearly put on my plate.
I am good at managing. It requires little faith and keeps me far removed from my tendency to control, stress, or worry. I can do only those things I want to do, nothing that I don't. I can be only with the people I enjoy, none that I don't.

Like I said, neat and tidy.

But a life of faith isn't neat and tidy. Faith, by definition alone, implies hoping for things unseen outside my self-made structures, actively praying for God to come through for me, waiting on Him, and trusting that God can do in and through me spiritual work that goes beyond my natural abilities. I'm going to feel stretched beyond what I think I can do or what I can handle, because it is God working and God handling and God directing.

My life is not manageable at all. In fact, it is out of my hands entirely.

And that is a very good thing.