Common Response #1:
Intimidation
A church planting wife may have a picture in her head of the
ideal woman for this role, and, in her mind, she is not that woman. She may
feel confident about husband’s abilities and calling but uncertain about her
own. Looking at the task ahead in church planting is to her like preparing to
climb Mt. Everest with insufficient equipment: it is daunting, intimidating,
and overwhelming, and she doesn’t know if she can do it.
What can her husband do?
The church planter does well to recognize that church planting
appears daunting to his wife because her role is so open-ended and unclear, and
she’s trying to figure it all out. Her husband should not only draw her
attention away from the larger goal (climbing Mt. Everest) and on to more
manageable goals (What is our next step?), but he should help her find her
sweet spot in the church plant. Study her, and help her study herself: What
areas of ministry give her energy and life? What areas drain her and cause her
to wilt? Challenge her to do those things that she’s good at, and help her see
how God is using her as she does them.
Common Response #2: Fear
Church planting is characterized by chaos, lack of structure,
unanswered questions, and instability, the very things that most women fear.
Although she wants to obey the Lord, a church planting wife may struggle at
times with fear over the future, finances, and her children’s well-being.
What can her husband do?
In response to fear, the best thing a husband can do is listen
without defense. He must be patient and gentle with her, willing to talk
through the struggle with her, but also always encouraging her to trust in
God’s provision. He must not only use his words but his actions, knowing that
his trust of the Lord will encourage his wife’s faith as well.
Common Response #3: A Need for Distinction
Church planting can be all-encompassing for both the church
planter and his family. The opportunities for ministry and relationships are
endless, the church gets the bulk of the attention, and it seems that people
want or need something from the church planter every minute of the day. A
church planting wife may at times feel “church exhaustion”: a desire to talk
about something other than the church and a craving for her husband’s
attention. She rightly desires her husband to keep a healthy distinction
between the church and their marriage.
What can her husband do?
A church planter does well to remember that the church is the
bride of Christ and that his own vow is to his wife. A church planter who lays
this foundation in his heart and mind will trust Christ to sustain His bride,
will not be swayed by a false definition of success, and will keep his marriage
and family as a high priority. He will cultivate a marriage not centered on the church, and he and
his wife both will enjoy the benefits.
Common Response #4:
Discouragement
A church planting wife cares as much about the church plant as
her husband, and like her husband, she experiences discouragement when things
aren’t going as planned. She also wants her husband to thrive and tends toward
discouragement when he is downcast.
What can her husband do?
The church planter often knows the inside stories of how God is
moving in the church and in the community. He can create an atmosphere of
celebration and encouragement in the home by sharing victories with his wife,
talking about God’s goodness using tangible stories, and even forwarding emails
of encouragement that he has received. Invite her to share in the reward of
faithful work.
In the end, church planting is a fast-track sanctification
process for both the church planter and his wife. The church planter shouldn’t
protect his wife from that sanctification by trying to rescue her from any and
all difficulty. Instead, he should pray for her, and, while loving and caring
for her, encourage her to look to the Lord for everything that she needs. That
is ultimately the best thing he can do for her--and for himself.
