Becoming a pastor’s wife almost feels like we've been
handled this weighty mantle or persona. We are treated sometimes as "other",
like we're a creature at the zoo and everyone is stopping for a look from a
safe distance.
The truth is that I've always been quite sure I'm not the
typical pastor's wife, but it's taken me a long time to figure out what it really means to be a pastor's wife.
In all this trying to figure it out, I finally realized I
was trying to make "pastor's wife" my identity. I was trying to rise
to the challenge of the persona. And it wasn't working for me because it is not
meant to be my true identity.
And, if you're a pastor's wife, it’s not yours either.
I’m not trying to throw off a role God has given me. I'm not
encouraging you in that way either. I embrace and enjoy being a pastor’s wife.
I find it an honor, sanctification on steroids, and an opportunity, but it’s not an identity to live by.
It’s a role that gives me opportunities to serve, but it doesn’t tell me who I
am.
In fact, I've discovered over the years that trying to live
from a foundational identity of being a pastor's wife actually holds
temptations that have tripped me up, caused me to sin, and caused me pain. If
we try to make pastor’s wife our foundational identity, it is a false identity.
If a false identity is our foundation, no matter how “good” it is, it becomes a
heavy weight to carry around and is actually no foundation at all.
If a true identity is our foundation, it is a weight to hold
us, otherwise known as an anchor. An anchor is any device for holding fast and
securing firmly. Do we not in ministry need something to secure us firmly and
hold us fast? We don’t need more weights to carry. We need anchors that keep us
from tossing about when the wind and waves of ministry pick up. We need anchors
that help us hold fast over a long period of time. We need anchors to help us
navigate the rough waters of criticism and discouragement.
In Scripture, I am really drawn to passages where church
leaders faced questions and temptation related to identity. How can they,
who’ve gone before us, warn us about the temptations lurking in ministry and
also point us to anchors of identity that will hold us and help us endure?
Please enjoy this talk I recently gave to a group of
pastor's wives where I dig into this idea of ministry and identity: Three Anchors for Ministry Wives.
