May 4, 2017

Kristie Anyabwile on Friendship for the Pastor's Wife

My husband and I have been in full-time vocational ministry since the day we were married. People ask me what it’s like to be a pastor’s wife, and I tell them I don’t know what it’s like to not be one. His calling colors every part of my life in a way that’s difficult to explain and, in a way, difficult to understand even for myself.

The truth is that being the pastor’s wife is not a biblically assigned role, nor is it a job, but on a weekly and even daily basis every pastor’s wife must navigate social scenarios and church situations that arise only because she’s married to the pastor. I’ve mostly learned to embrace this, because I see how God has given me influence and how I can use it to honor Him and bless others. But in all my years as a pastor’s wife, by far the most difficult consequences of my husband’s job to navigate have been friendship and social relationships. I'm still learning.

That's why I wanted to talk with Kristie Anyabwile, wife to Thabiti and mom to three, because she's been doing this pastor's wife thing longer than me, and she's someone I respect highly. Kristie is a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher. Her husband Thabiti is the pastor of Anacostia River Church in southeast DC, which the Anyabwiles planted a few years ago. 
Watch below as Kristie addresses these questions:
  • What have been the most difficult things to navigate regarding friendship for you as a pastor's wife?
  • How have you developed friendships where you can share openly and vulnerably?
  • How do you respond to hurts in friendship and in wider church relationships? How do you continue to engage when you've been hurt?
  • How have you developed friendships specifically through discipleship?
  • What advice do you often give pastor's wives regarding friendship?

You can follow Kristie on Twitter and find her writing at TGC and The Front Porch

And if you haven't yet purchased your copy of my new book, Messy Beautiful Friendship, grab one today at Amazon, Barnes & Noble,, or Target.