June 11, 2019

We Need to Talk About Friendship. Here's How.

I tell people all the time: I wrote a book on friendship because it was a book I needed for most of my 20’s and 30’s. Through those desperate years, I hadn’t known how to think about friendship in a healthy, biblical way. I just knew I felt lonely and frustrated and insecure around other women—feelings that gathered like an avalanche and buried me in my own confused isolation. 

So I finally took a good long look at friendship. I searched Scripture. I talked with other women and observed those who seemed to do it well. I learned that I had an idealistic (read: unrealistic) idea of what friendship should be, so I chose to approach friendship in a different way—a way that left room for imperfection and missteps and the risk of vulnerability. A way that starved the idolatry of finding my security in a “tribe,” finally finding “my person,” or endlessly searching for effortless friendships.

I love talking about friendship. In fact, last weekend, I got to teach a group of women what nuggets of truth I’ve learned. But even as I drove to that event, I was wrestling in prayer over my real life friendships, uncertain and feeling needy. In other words, I’m still prone to seeking security in my relationships and being frustrated when they aren’t exactly as I’d like them to be.

And I’m finding that in each season of life, there are new friendship complexities to explore and work through. Here’s what I’m learning about friendship in my 40’s: women my age are carrying the most responsibility we ever have. As we swirl in activity, we must be extremely intentional about making time for face-to-face friendship. But also? By this point, I’ve been friends with folks long enough that we know each other well, faults and all. The command of Scripture that we should bear with one another and overlook offenses comes more and more into play. In other words, we must love each other intentionally and not give up on one another.

Friendship is so important to our sanctification and faith. Easy? No. But important, nonetheless. I wholeheartedly believe we need to be talking about friendship from a biblical perspective, so we can be intentional about our relationships and be willing to work through the hard stuff when the hard stuff comes along. Because it always does.

Summer is great time for this, and I want to help you have these conversations! I’ve put together a free 6-week Bible study and discussion guide that corresponds with my book, Messy Beautiful Friendship. So gather at the pool while your kids swim or on your porch in the evenings and dig into what the Bible says about friendship!

Download the Participant's Guide here.

You in? I can't wait to hear from you regarding what you're discussing this summer! Tag me on social media and use the hashtag #messybeautifulfriendship to share what you're learning.